Review de la Semana

Santa Monica, CA :Brad and Jen split after five years of seemingly blissful marriage. Speculation rages over how long Britney and Kevin (who just entered the less-than-sexy world of new parenthood) and Tom and Katie (whose relationship seems a bit too, well, intense) will last. Call it Tabloid Love. It’s sudden. Sexy. Superheated. Short-lived. And, all of us watching such relationships explode and fizzle from our grocery store lines and living room sofas should learn a thing or two.

So how does one begin? Well, here are just a few of Susan’s many suggestions excerpted from The Feel the Fear Guide to Lasting Love:

Expand the purpose of your relationship. As I see it, a relationship has two important purposes–a Practical Purpose and a Higher Purpose. The Practical Purpose of a relationship is to have someone with whom to share our lives. Traveling the road together can be a joyous experience. But sometimes problems with money, sex, children, work, and the like can make the journey together very difficult. It is for this reason that we need to have a Higher Purpose. The Higher Purpose of a relationship is to learn how to become a more loving person–despite what problems come up. It is our using all the problems as a vehicle for seeing what we need to work on within ourselves to keep love in our hearts. In this way, problems become a plus instead of a minus. We learn, we grow, we are filled with creativity, we take responsibility, we feel strong, and we ultimately experience the exquisite beauty of Real Love.

· Pick up the mirror instead of the magnifying glass. What does that mean? The magnifying glass represents our symbolically pointing a finger and blaming our mates for our unhappiness. The mirror represents looking inward and taking responsibility, not only for our actions, but also for our REACTIONS to what is going on in the relationship. The mirror is self-awareness, and self-awareness is the first step toward positive change.

Become the mate you want your mate to be. First make a list of all the characteristics you want your mate to have. It could look like this: loving, thoughtful, warm, considerate, caring, appreciative, romantic, generous. Now for the big challenge . . . pick up the mirror and begin developing these qualities in yourself. You may be someone who resists this challenge. But how can we ask our mates to be something we have been unwilling to be ourselves? Trust me when I tell you that incorporating all these loving qualities within our own beings can dramatically alter the thoughts and actions of our mates.

· Validate your mate. We have to learn to notice and openly express thanks for the beautiful things our mates do for us. (And if you can’t find anything to thank him or her for, then why are you there?) It makes our mates feel so good when we let them know the things we appreciate about them. And it encourages them to continue doing beautiful things. Remember that every relationship has its good and every relationship has its bad. By focusing on the bad, we starve. By focusing on the good, we thrive. So don’t let another day pass before you say, “Thank you. I love you.” Say it today…and say it often.

About the Author:

Susan Jeffers, Ph.D., is a best-selling author and celebrated speaker. Sales of her works are well into the millions, reaching more than one hundred countries and translated into thirty-six languages. Susan’s seventeen books include Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, End the Struggle and Dance with Life, Embracing Uncertainty, Opening Our Hearts to Men, The Little Book of Confidence, and The Little Book of Peace of Mind, as well as a Fear-less series of affirmation books and tapes. In the fall of 2004, The Times of the U.K. named Susan “the Queen of Self-Help”–ranking her alongside such influential leaders as Nelson Mandela and the Dalai Lama.

About the Book:

The Feel the Fear Guide to Lasting Love (Jeffers Press, 2005, ISBN 0-9745776-9-3, $24.95) is available in bookstores nationwide, through all major online booksellers, and at jefferspress.com.